Watashi no Aniki wa Konna ni Kakoi Wake ga nai
by Haruhi Smith
Summary: Kirino thinks there's more to her brother than that, and begins to investigate. What happens when the two meet a situation of the almost unthinkable? Find out when you read! If you don't like it, then don't read it! And please review!
1. Chapter 1

My parody for Ore no Imouto! Enjoy!

Kirino woke up to the bright sunlight of summer. She sat up in her bed and looked around. All was quiet. She quickly jumped out of her sleepware and got into some outside clothes. She leaped onto her chair and fired up her computer. Making sure that no one was awake, she quickly logged onto an online eroge and began to play joyfully. Strange enough, she could not hear the snoring of her brother, Kyosuke, in the room next to her. She banged her head on the table. "WHY AM I THINKING ABOUT HIM?" the thought harshly. After about two hours, she shut the lid and padded out into the hallway.

She could hear her mother cooking downstairs, so she walked down the stairs and walked into the living room/kitchen/dining room. Her father was sitting in his usual spot, reading his newspaper. She sat down and flicked the TV on to the news. Her father grunted in greeting. She ignored him and continued to watch the news. After a while, her mother walked into the room and placed some omelets on the table. "Eat up!" she said, totally ignoring the fact that Kyosuke was nowhere in sight. She sat down and began to eat with the rest of the family.

When Kirino finished her meal, she placed her plates in the sink and was out the door. She went to take a walk around the city. On her way to the convenient store, she bumped into Kuroneko. Kuroneko looked up, but didn't say anything. Kirino kept her tsundere and kept on walking. When she got into the convienience store she turned in and looked around. And what she saw shocked her...


	2. Chapter 2

*Kirino's POV*

Aniki was standing there with a group of friends. I quickly leaped behind the snack aisle and peered out from behind it. I didn't know my older brother had any friends. He was chatting with them happily. I've never seen him like that before. They all looked kind of sweaty. What had they been doing? Just as I was making up some erotic scene in my head, I noticed that they all had kendo sticks strapped to their backs. I stared in wonder. My brother, in the kendo club? Impossible. He always came back straight after school. Except...I recalled all of the moments where aniki couldn't go shopping for me, or had to miss a meeting with Kuroneko and that crazy otaku girl. Could he possibly be going to practices during breaks and the weekend? I shook that thought away, because he was heading right towards me. I quickly scurried down the aisle and turned into the next one. Tough luck. It was the aisle that held sex tools. Just great.

I watched my brother walk out of the store with the other guys. I waited a little before I went out. I quickly whipped out sunglasses and a hat, then strolled out of the store. I looked down the street. My brother was waving to the other guys and walking away. He turned into a lane, and I quickly scurried over. He was putting the kendo sword down against a wall. He turned to leave, so I quickly turned around and bumped into one of the boy's that had been walking with my brother. I looked behind me. My brother had disappeared. I quickly turned back to the boy. He had knocked my sunglasses off. I looked up at him, and he looked back down at me. There was a moment of silence, and he looked kind of uncomfortable.

"Are you….." he started. "Are you Kirino?"

I looked at him in surprise. "Yeah," I said. "How do you know who I am?"

The boy looked away. "Erm...well, Kyo-kun talks about you a lot...so…"

My thoughts were bursting. _Kyo-kun? _I thought. _KYO-KUN? _I was silent.

He looked at me strangely. "Well, uh, I gotta go now, so…"

I nodded. Not like I wanted to talk to him in the first place. I walked away as well, my thoughts all messed up and blank. I walked over to a wall and began to bang my head on it. "AUGH!" I let out a frustrated shriek.


	3. Chapter 3

"What are you doing?" A familiar voice resonated behind me. I quickly spun around, whipping the person behind me with my hair.

"I….I…"

Aniki looked at me strangely. "Did you miss an eroge or something?"  
My face felt red as an irritated tomato. "Y-yeah! So I'm out here, um, looking for-for it!"

I could tell that he was not buying it, but he still nodded slowly. "…"

I suddenly couldn't take the secrets anymore. I grabbed his hand and began to drag him towards a café nearby. "We need to talk."

oOo

Onii-chan and I both sat down in the café, across from each other. I knew that it probably looked a lot like we were on a date, but at that point, I didn't care.

"What were you doing?"

"Huh? Walking down the street?" My brother was a pretty good actor.

"No. I mean with those _guys._ Don't lie to me, aniki."  
Calling him aniki seemed to work. He sighed. "All right," he said. "I'll tell you everything.

"I _was _a normal high school student 5 months ago. But there were people from the kendo stalking me, you know? They came up to me one day and are like, 'oh, you look like you have good potential for the kendo club' and blah blah blah. So they drag me back to the school like no one's business and sit me down in the kendo club room. And that's how I joined." 

I looked at my brother with unbelieving eyes, but still continued to listen.

"Er…that's about it I guess…"

I rolled my eyes. "And I'm supposed to believe you?"

"Erm, yes." Came the answer. Not what I was expecting.

I sighed and sat backwards. "How can you prove it?" I said slyly, not sure why I was doing this, but I knew one thing: my brother would not keep secrets from me. I guess.

Kyosuke sighed. "Fine. There's a kendo competition next week. If you come and watch, that'll be enough proof, right?"

I nodded slowly. No matter how much I despised my brother, I couldn't ignore the fact that his logic surpassed mine by far. "Fine." I stood up and left, because I suddenly didn't want to see him anymore. I tried to keep calm and walk slowly, but I just couldn't. I found myself running farther and farther away, my legs taking me further and further away from my brother. But as I ran, I thought _oh, crap. Now we REALLY looked like we were dating._ But I kept on running.


	4. Chapter 4

It was a normal Saturday. Well, normal for kendo fans. I found myself in the very crowded gathering of the kendo geeks early Saturday morning, surrounded by enthusiastic people cheering for people. And I have to admit, I did _not _fit in, with my designer's clothes, and with everyone else either in shorts and a t-shirt or the kendo uniform.

I stretched me neck up so that I could see aniki. He was in the corner, the captain talking to him. Sadly enough, I had to believe him. But, my curiosity was now concerned with how good he was. The boy who had bumped into me suddenly appeared in front of me. My eyes widened.

"Y-you!" I exclaimed.

He looked at me. "Oh, hi," he said quite cheerfully, looking over the scenery of people. "Are you here to watch your brother?"  
I nodded slowly, unsure if I should have said anything else.

He held out his hand to me. "Second year, Seichi Souchiro," he said, introducing himself.

I shook his hand, then decided to ask him about my aniki. "Erm…is my brother…good?"  
Seichi looked at me in disbelief. "Are you _kidding_? Your brother's the best on this team! We only use him if we're in a desperate situation, though."

My inner self growled. _Use_? My brother was not to be used. But I ignored that. "Is the match starting yet?" I asked casually, just as the referee announced, "START!"

Kendo is tense. And scary. And loud. Well, to me it was. The rest of the crowd seemed to love it. I couldn't understand why people would enjoy the intense beginning of the match, when the swordsmen stood still, waiting for each other to make the first move. Or the loud clash of swords, ringing throughout the room and probably outside as well. I didn't enjoy it much, but I perked up slightly when my brother walked out onto the sparring grounds. My mind didn't process the fact that because he was out there, it meant the scores of his school must have been pretty bad. But I didn't care. The referee stood in the middle of the two boys. I gulped. The other boy was a lot taller. I couldn't really see his features that well, but his eyes were glaring. He looked really scary. His clothing read: "Harima". Once the two were in place, the referee raised his hand. "Begin!"


	5. Chapter 5

**(I'm sorry if I haven't updated in a long time ! This is the final chapter, and as sorry as I am to say this, I won't be writing a sequel. But you're welcome to, if you want! Like all of my other chapters, this one is freakishly short, and I'm very, very sorry if it doesn't meet your expectations. *Thinks* That's it for now! *Gets all teary eyed. [Oh Jesus])**

I knew I shouldn't have watched the match. But I did, from the very beginning. It was one of the tensest moments of my life. I felt as if time had frozen. But then the opponent moved. "HUH!" he screamed as he crashed the sword down onto my brother. My inner self screamed but my outside remained relatively calm. Aniki whipped up and blocked the bokken, but it looked like it took up a lot of his strength. Then the enemy struck again. My brother fell to the floor. I couldn't take it anymore. "NII-SAN!" I screamed as I hurled myself to him.

oOo

I shouldn't have gone. I shouldn't have gone. By the time the medics finally arrived at the scene, my brother had lost. As I sat by his side crying, he reached out his right hand to pat me on the head comfortingly. "It-it'll be alright," he said through breaths of pain. It hurt me to see my brother like that. As the medics inspected him I wiped away the last of my tears and watched. He didn't look that sad, just…wistful. I wondered what he was thinking about. "Aniki…" I said softly, just as the medics stood up and looked at both of us. "He's perfectly fine," they said after a while. "The only problem is…

…his left arm's paralyzed."

oOo

I stared up at my brother, helpless as his blue-gray eyes darkened and his head sagged to stare at the floor. "K-Kyousuke…"I started to say, then was silent. What could I have said? As the medics packed up their equipment and started to leave, my brother stood up and looked down at me. "No point in staying here," he said. "Let's go." I tearfully stood up, looking at the ground. Aniki took my hand and we both started to walk away from the cheering people, still hyped up about the competition. I swore to never get a boyfriend from the kendo club.

oOo

Walking along the streets at night isn't safe. It wasn't nighttime though, so I felt perfectly safe. Could I not? I was still a little wet eyed as we walked, but my spirits were lifted by the casual movements of our footsteps and the sunny weather. As we rounded the corner of a small building, we heard a scream. It was piercing the air, heading straight towards us. "Get out of the way!" was what I thought it said. My eyes widened. A hooded figure holding a knife was heading straight towards me. I scrunched my eyes tightly together, preparing myself for the pain that never came. Slowly, slowly, I opened my eyes. And there was aniki, standing in front of me, the knife piercing through his stomach. As the culprit ran away and my brother sank to the ground in pain, all I could do was stare down at the dying form of onii-san and think, "Watashi no aniki wa konna ni kakoi wake ga nai!"

**~Fin~**

**Kyousuke: **I _died_? Gee, thanks a lot.

**Kirin: **No! Not my aniki!

**Me: ***Has a number of sweat drops on head* L-let me make this clear everyone! Kyousuke didn't die! I've received two reviews on it, so I just wanted to make it clear...


End file.
